Hello, is anyone there? Is the mic on?
I have an endless love affair with blogs, they are part of my daily reading, heck some of those people are just plain a part of my life. It's such a beautiful window into the honest, brutal, lovely, trying, joyful (etc, etc, etc..) parts of people's lives. I think what makes a blog so successful are two things: one, the commitment to show up in this space often, and the dedication to make the content yours.
From Scratch is my second blog and I certainly love the direction this one took more than the last, but I've struggled to show up, to be consistent and I think I've figured out why. This space has become more about what I think everyone will want, versus what I want. Really, at the end of the day, a blog is like a journal and if you aren't writing down things that actually matter to YOU, then what does it even matter. I've tried to make this space so many different things that just haven't made sense to me on a whole.
SO, that leads me to the crux of this post (for those who are listening)....as of today, I'm going to try something new. At large, the content will change and eventually so will the look. I want this blog to reflect my current journey, which is one of wellness, love, laughter, and just plain ol' life and its adventures. If I had it my way, I wouldn't do it alone and so truly my vision would be to make this space a place where many people would be writing. But that's all in due time.
If you're here, please stick around!
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Monday, January 26, 2015
101 in 1001
I've been reading Mackenzie Horan's blog for some time now and why it's taken me so long to join in on her 101 things in 1001 days challenge is beyond me, but here I am...finally making a list of my own! This list building stuff is difficult, who knew right?!
Start date: January 26th, 2015
End date: October 23rd, 2017
Personal.
Start date: January 26th, 2015
End date: October 23rd, 2017
Personal.
- Lose 50 pounds
- Unplug (no phone, no computer) for 24 hours
- Volunteer somewhere new
- Host a party
- Read 40 new books
- See a Broadway play/musical
- Run a 5k
- Move to my own place
- Buy a pet fish
- Go skydiving
- Learn to paddle board
- Go berry picking
- "Pay it forward" at Starbucks or a similar place
- Sponsor a child
- Watch a documentary
- Create another photo book from a trip or other important life event
- Start taking yoga classes
- Build a blanket fort
- Find a way to be more involved with my church
- Make a big dinner for the people I love
- Have my make up professionally done
- Vote in the next election
- Visit a new museum
- Fall in love
- Visit the NYC Christmas tree
- Go to brunch in NYC
- Adopt an animal
- Write a letter to myself to open in 5 years
- Drink only water for one month
- Go to a taping of SNL
- Leave a 100% tip
- Get a blowout from the salon
- Go on a first date
- Commit to my Weight Watchers plan for at least one month (longer hopefully!)
- Buy my little cousins each a sweet gift (all 11 of them)
- Pay for my parents to go to dinner or on a small trip
- Don't consume alcohol for one month
- Don't go out to eat for one month
- Read my Bible every Sunday
- Go to Church every Sunday (unless outstanding circumstances occur)
- Paint at least 5 new pictures
- Splurge on a nice camera for myself
- No shopping for one month
- Work out for 5 days a week for at least one month
- Try 5 new restaurants
- Try new dishes from my favorite restaurants (I have a bad habit of eating the same thing once I like it...for example, I've eaten the same Mexican Tortilla Salad from the Cheesecake Factory for the last two years...)
- Redesign my blog
- Say yes to everything (if appropriate) for one month
- Finish my savings fund for my future apartment, then expand the savings limit I set
- Create a savings fund for a new car
- Play a game of soccer or wiffle ball with friends
- Host a BBQ
- Do a wine tasting
- Host friends for a poker game or other card game
- Go to bed at 9 p.m. Sunday through Thursday for one month
- Start a book club
- Journal in my "Line a day" book consistently for the next year
- Start and finish a new TV series on Netflix
- Go to the drive-in
- Go to a concert
- Attend 5 basketball games for my Alma Mater
- Read for at least 30 minutes a night for one month
- Renew my boating and fishing licenses
- Host a surprise party for a friend
- Buy fresh flowers every week for a month
- "Spring clean" all social media accounts
- Send out my own Christmas cards next year
- Pay ahead on my student loans to give myself a one month+ break in paying
- Watch 5 classic films
- Wash my face every night
- Brush my teeth twice a day for one month (guys, I really just don't like the feeling, but know I should make a habit of doing twice a day...I do brush once though, so no judging)
- Go to the movies once a month starting in February
- Unsubscribe from unwanted emails
- Buy "Bean Boots"
- Watch the sunrise
- Watch the sunset
Professional.
- Take writing classes
- Consider grad school or an additional certificate for my field
- Blog at least 300 times
- Take a Photoshop class
- Start a new blog series
Travel.
- Visit Costa Rica
- Visit the Statue of Liberty
- Visit Seattle
- Buy a post card in each place I travel to
- Do service in another country
- Take a trip to Cuba
- Go camping
- Take a "staycation"
- Take a trip to the shore
Educational.
- Finish learning Spanish
- Learn to make pupusas
- Taking a cooking class
- Make 5 Pinterest recipes
- Open my cookbooks more often and cook my way through one of them
- Take additional ski lessons
- Go to a shooting range
- Take a dance class
- Make macaroons
- Learn to sew
- Plant a vegetable garden (aka learn to garden)
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
A little selfishness goes a long way...trust me
The word selfish has a wicked definition – one that I think
many people would shy away from being referred to as. But, over the course of
this past year or so, I’ve learned that without selfishness we often run the
risk of losing ourselves along the way.
In August 2013, I hit, what my friends lovingly tell me, was
rock bottom. I had spent the prior year-and-a-half in a relationship with a man
that I thought I was going to marry, that I had banked on marrying. I was young
– still am young – but all signs pointed towards that being the case. I was
happy. But I was also lying to myself. So, after what I later realized was a
tumultuous relationship, he broke up with me in a Panera Bread parking lot on
our year-and-a-half “anniversary.” I
didn’t see it coming and I was devastated.
The next day, I took a page from the book “Eat, Pray, Love,”
packed my bags, and made the five hour drive to my best friends cabin in
Upstate New York to spend a week with no internet, no cell service, no nothing,
I even deleted my Facebook for extra privacy.
It wasn’t until the tail end of my trip when the gravity of
my situation hit me. We were sitting on a dock in the middle of a marsh when I
realized that because I had spent the last year-and-a-half giving everything
and sparing nothing to a man that undervalued me, that I in turn had actually
given nothing to myself.
Aside from a handful of girlfriends who I rarely saw, I had no
solid friendships. Despite my family's unwavering love, I placed next to no
importance on our relationships. My schooling suffered, mental stability had
been challenged and my ability to live in the present had died with my uncanny
habit of living in the future. I had given myself so fully to that relationship
that I left myself with no foundation to rely on.
I decided then, in that moment, that the only way to heal
was to be selfish. I headed into my senior year of college with unmatched
determination. I saw a therapist to once and for all learn to cope with my
anxiety, I strengthened relationships with family and friends in beautiful
ways, I traveled to El Salvador on an unforgettable service trip, finished my
education and college experience in ways I will cherish forever and was
employed by graduation.
It was a beautiful walk of life and one that was certainly
met with hardships, but the lessons I learned are ones I’m grateful for. What I
can tell you is this: selfishness feels wrong, but to be selfish, even in the
slightest, is to place importance on yourself, your well-being, your happiness,
your life. It was only when I decided to spend time on myself that my life
became everything I wanted and needed it to be.
Selfishness means waking up in the morning and asking what
you want from your day and your life, it’s going to the gym daily, drinking
enough water, fostering relationships in every corner of your life – it’s
whatever the hell you want it to be. Not everyone is going to like it, but the
outcome…the outcome is magnificent.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
6 Important Lessons from 2014
I love when the "new year" rolls around, particularly because I love a good "fresh start." Oftentimes when things, years, relationships, what have you, come to an end, it's seen as a bad thing, but in my life, some of the most beautiful moments have come from "ends."
2014 was undoubtedly a weird year. It had wonderful highs and it had incredible lows, but it taught me a few things...
Selfishness. I've always been a selfless person, but almost to a fault. I learned in the tail end of 2013 and throughout all of 2014 that it doesn't hurt to put a little focus on yourself. Oftentimes by putting so much focus and importance on other people, you risk losing site of who you are and what you want. I've penned a post on this for early 2015 - I look forward to sharing more!
Vulnerability. If anyone is a longtime reader of this blog, they know that I poured my heart and soul into a relationship that otherwise ended pretty poorly. After the fact, I built the biggest fort around my heart and if anyone even came close to it...well, I came guns blazin' and scared them away. It wasn't until I spent time in El Salvador that I realized that it was okay to let my guard down - that beautiful things happen when I do. I wrote this in my travel journal on my last night abroad: "It pays to keep your heart open - to love, to trust, to be vulnerable. Despite any pain that might come with it, it's worth it." I've tried to remember that every day since and although its hard, it's so hard, and yes it can be painful, it's worth it. Vulnerability isn't easy, but it's a very powerful thing. If you have time, watch this TED talk by Brene Brown on vulnerability, see here.
There's a "good" in every "bad." Bad things happen. That's life. When they happen consistently it's easy to feel like that's all life is offering you. I've learned this year that no matter what happens, no matter how bad, if you look at the situation "glass half full" you're likely to find a positive among the negatives. Everything is a teachable moment. Everything that happens opens the next door. It's all cause and effect. So, no matter how difficult something is, try to see the positive. It makes a worlds difference.
I don't "deserve" anything more than the next guy. This is a bad habit that I've recently gotten into. You see, the tail end of 2014 was hard. There were so many lows and I found myself repeating some version of "I deserve (happiness, the promotion, a good relationship, etc...)" and it sunk in not too long ago that I deserve jack shit. I don't deserve anything more than the next guy. It's hard to watch other people have things you feel you also deserve, but it's also important to remember that it will happen in due time - timing, after all, is everything. I'm a woman of faith and after some time of saying that to myself I started to feel pretty crappy. I trust in God and so because that's the case, I also trust that what's happening in my life is happening for a reason. Telling God you deserve something, I find, get's you nowhere.
Death can bring out the best and worst in people. Always avoid the latter. In 2014, I lost my dog of 15 years and my grandmother in the same month, both suddenly and traumatically. I was devastated. Losing my grandmother was the first death I was really old enough to understand the weight of. I took part in the funeral arrangements, I helped clean out her place, I was there through all of it. I experienced a heartbreak that I had never felt before only made worse by the way in which the family handled it. There were accusations of stolen items, fighting, rude comments and tension. It only deepened the immense sadness that we already felt and what I realized in that moment is that sometimes death brings out the worst in people, sometimes it even shows their true colors, but it also has the ability to bring out the best if you let it. I learned that in those moments it's best to be supportive, understanding, loving and triumphant because that is what your loved-one would want. Let loss strengthen you.
If you want something, go for it. One of the best lessons I learned in 2014 was that if I want something I need to say it. Sometimes you think people pick up on context clues, but more likely than not, they don't. If you want that promotion, ask. If you want someone to kiss you, tell them. You get what you want in life if you have the balls to go for it!
The lessons I've learned in 2014 far exceed this list, but these are the ones I was most happy to walk away with. What did you learn?
2014 was undoubtedly a weird year. It had wonderful highs and it had incredible lows, but it taught me a few things...
Selfishness. I've always been a selfless person, but almost to a fault. I learned in the tail end of 2013 and throughout all of 2014 that it doesn't hurt to put a little focus on yourself. Oftentimes by putting so much focus and importance on other people, you risk losing site of who you are and what you want. I've penned a post on this for early 2015 - I look forward to sharing more!
Vulnerability. If anyone is a longtime reader of this blog, they know that I poured my heart and soul into a relationship that otherwise ended pretty poorly. After the fact, I built the biggest fort around my heart and if anyone even came close to it...well, I came guns blazin' and scared them away. It wasn't until I spent time in El Salvador that I realized that it was okay to let my guard down - that beautiful things happen when I do. I wrote this in my travel journal on my last night abroad: "It pays to keep your heart open - to love, to trust, to be vulnerable. Despite any pain that might come with it, it's worth it." I've tried to remember that every day since and although its hard, it's so hard, and yes it can be painful, it's worth it. Vulnerability isn't easy, but it's a very powerful thing. If you have time, watch this TED talk by Brene Brown on vulnerability, see here.
There's a "good" in every "bad." Bad things happen. That's life. When they happen consistently it's easy to feel like that's all life is offering you. I've learned this year that no matter what happens, no matter how bad, if you look at the situation "glass half full" you're likely to find a positive among the negatives. Everything is a teachable moment. Everything that happens opens the next door. It's all cause and effect. So, no matter how difficult something is, try to see the positive. It makes a worlds difference.
I don't "deserve" anything more than the next guy. This is a bad habit that I've recently gotten into. You see, the tail end of 2014 was hard. There were so many lows and I found myself repeating some version of "I deserve (happiness, the promotion, a good relationship, etc...)" and it sunk in not too long ago that I deserve jack shit. I don't deserve anything more than the next guy. It's hard to watch other people have things you feel you also deserve, but it's also important to remember that it will happen in due time - timing, after all, is everything. I'm a woman of faith and after some time of saying that to myself I started to feel pretty crappy. I trust in God and so because that's the case, I also trust that what's happening in my life is happening for a reason. Telling God you deserve something, I find, get's you nowhere.
Death can bring out the best and worst in people. Always avoid the latter. In 2014, I lost my dog of 15 years and my grandmother in the same month, both suddenly and traumatically. I was devastated. Losing my grandmother was the first death I was really old enough to understand the weight of. I took part in the funeral arrangements, I helped clean out her place, I was there through all of it. I experienced a heartbreak that I had never felt before only made worse by the way in which the family handled it. There were accusations of stolen items, fighting, rude comments and tension. It only deepened the immense sadness that we already felt and what I realized in that moment is that sometimes death brings out the worst in people, sometimes it even shows their true colors, but it also has the ability to bring out the best if you let it. I learned that in those moments it's best to be supportive, understanding, loving and triumphant because that is what your loved-one would want. Let loss strengthen you.
If you want something, go for it. One of the best lessons I learned in 2014 was that if I want something I need to say it. Sometimes you think people pick up on context clues, but more likely than not, they don't. If you want that promotion, ask. If you want someone to kiss you, tell them. You get what you want in life if you have the balls to go for it!
The lessons I've learned in 2014 far exceed this list, but these are the ones I was most happy to walk away with. What did you learn?
Happy 2015, all! Be safe tonight - I'll see you in the New Year!
Monday, December 29, 2014
The "Could Haves" and the "Should Haves"
It sort of blows my mind to think of how much of my life would be different had I not attended the college I did. A friend and I got to discussing this over the weekend (while stuck in the car with a flat tire) and it's one of those thoughts that leaves your mind reeling - seriously, try it. Pinpoint a moment in life and then imagine if it had never happened. What lesson wouldn't you have learned? Who would you have never met?
College was the first thought that popped into my mind when I thought of this because had I not gone where I did, I'd have never met my two best friends, I would have never met my ex (which the lessons learned from that relationship are beneficial enough to count this as a negative), I probably wouldn't be employed where I am...I could go on. Attending school where I did changed my life forever and I wonder what path I'd be on at the moment if that hadn't happened how it did.
Looking at life like this, through the lens of "what would I have missed out on had I not"..., is, I think, pretty positive. I've since looked at some bad situations through this light and it certainly brings about a new value. Each moment in life leads you to the next, no matter how crappy that moment is. Everything is a building block. You have to sort of believe that every moment will lead you to the next and once that happens, the bad moments, albeit still bad, will make a little more sense.
My challenge this Monday and really, for all of 2015, is to learn to look at life through this lens more often.
College was the first thought that popped into my mind when I thought of this because had I not gone where I did, I'd have never met my two best friends, I would have never met my ex (which the lessons learned from that relationship are beneficial enough to count this as a negative), I probably wouldn't be employed where I am...I could go on. Attending school where I did changed my life forever and I wonder what path I'd be on at the moment if that hadn't happened how it did.
Looking at life like this, through the lens of "what would I have missed out on had I not"..., is, I think, pretty positive. I've since looked at some bad situations through this light and it certainly brings about a new value. Each moment in life leads you to the next, no matter how crappy that moment is. Everything is a building block. You have to sort of believe that every moment will lead you to the next and once that happens, the bad moments, albeit still bad, will make a little more sense.
My challenge this Monday and really, for all of 2015, is to learn to look at life through this lens more often.
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Merry Christmas and Happy 2015
I am sick for the holidays this year, like really sick. Started last Friday with a mean case of laryngitis and evolved into a really terrible cold on Monday. Yesterday I tried to work, I really did, but I ended up working remotely with a hot compress over my eyes, barely accomplishing anything. Today, Christmas Eve, I am writing from my work desk, which isn't much of a joyful place either because there are basically two people in the office and everything is in shambles because we are moving - this is actually kind of exciting, the moving part, I mean.
This is the first Christmas Eve that I have ever spent away from my family...that I've ever worked! It's strange, it's a very strange and adult-ish thing to do and I'm unsure how I feel about it. All I know is that Christmas spirit is hard to come by when you've been running a fever on and off for the last 6 days.
Whatever, I ordered Thai food for lunch...so there are simple pleasures.
I am happy it's Christmastime, don't get me wrong. It's my favorite time of year, but after losing my Nana this June the family has collectively lost some of the magic that comes with the season. More than anything, I am most excited for 2015. I would be lying if I said that I didn't love 2014...I did. The end of 2013 and start of 2014 were both trying seasons, but they were beautiful. Beautiful and wonderful things happened and I can honestly say 2014 was one of my favorite years so far, but it's also been one of the hardest, especially the last 6 months. Yet, hard as it's been, it's been sprinkled with simple joys, good friends, nights I will never forget, and moments with my family that I'll cherish forever. 2015 just feels good. It sounds good. I have this instinctual feeling that big things are about to happen and so I am welcoming the new year with big, open arms...like one of those slow, beach scenes where two people are running towards each other with dramatic music.
Just like last year, I thought that I'd take some time and share what my goals/resolutions are for the new year....so here goes nothing!
This Year...
A bad habit I am going to break....Overeating
A new skill I'd like to learn....Spanish, paddle boarding and to refine my skiing skills!
A person I hope to be more like...Mother Teresa
A good deed I am going to do...Sponsor a child
A place I'd like to visit....Seattle or Costa Rica
A book I'd like to read....The Bible (in full)
A new food I'd like to try and make....Pupusas
I'm going to do better at...Being consistent (especially on this little blog) and controlling my anxiety
What are you going to do in 2015?
On that note, I'll see everyone in the New Year. I hope the holiday brings an abundance of blessings to you and your families.
This is the first Christmas Eve that I have ever spent away from my family...that I've ever worked! It's strange, it's a very strange and adult-ish thing to do and I'm unsure how I feel about it. All I know is that Christmas spirit is hard to come by when you've been running a fever on and off for the last 6 days.
Whatever, I ordered Thai food for lunch...so there are simple pleasures.
I am happy it's Christmastime, don't get me wrong. It's my favorite time of year, but after losing my Nana this June the family has collectively lost some of the magic that comes with the season. More than anything, I am most excited for 2015. I would be lying if I said that I didn't love 2014...I did. The end of 2013 and start of 2014 were both trying seasons, but they were beautiful. Beautiful and wonderful things happened and I can honestly say 2014 was one of my favorite years so far, but it's also been one of the hardest, especially the last 6 months. Yet, hard as it's been, it's been sprinkled with simple joys, good friends, nights I will never forget, and moments with my family that I'll cherish forever. 2015 just feels good. It sounds good. I have this instinctual feeling that big things are about to happen and so I am welcoming the new year with big, open arms...like one of those slow, beach scenes where two people are running towards each other with dramatic music.
Just like last year, I thought that I'd take some time and share what my goals/resolutions are for the new year....so here goes nothing!
This Year...
A bad habit I am going to break....Overeating
A new skill I'd like to learn....Spanish, paddle boarding and to refine my skiing skills!
A person I hope to be more like...Mother Teresa
A good deed I am going to do...Sponsor a child
A place I'd like to visit....Seattle or Costa Rica
A book I'd like to read....The Bible (in full)
A new food I'd like to try and make....Pupusas
I'm going to do better at...Being consistent (especially on this little blog) and controlling my anxiety
What are you going to do in 2015?
Photo courtesy of Thyme is Honey...read this blog, it's lovely!
On that note, I'll see everyone in the New Year. I hope the holiday brings an abundance of blessings to you and your families.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Adult in Training
I'm not supposed to have everything figured out, right? So far, 22 looks like an uphill battle, met with the trials and tribulations of adulthood, which still...how am I considered an adult? I think when you can finally support yourself you can consider yourself an adult, until then, you're in training.
So I'm in training for adulthood and I find it exhausting.
For instance, bills....what is this madness? Why does my paycheck, from my big girl job (might I add) not cover everything and allow me to live in a fancy apartment styled after the likes of all of my Pinterest boards? Because life...that's why.
Student loans (kind of considered bills because mine are the size of a freaking mortgage, but no please government...bring it on). How are those feasible to pay?
Jury duty...did we have to meet so soon?
How on earth do you find people to date in New Jersey after college that aren't fist pumping idiots from the bar your friends dragged you to?
I could go on. But I won't...for your sake and stuff.
Really though, life post grad is kind of terrifying. Trust me, people along the way have tried to tell me it's okay that I don't have everything figured out, but I can't help but feeling like I am supposed too.
At face value, I suppose I could pass for an adult...I even wear high heels every day, but if you really know me, you know that I still live in my childhood bedroom and that in of itself should tell you I don't quite have a grasp on things just yet.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say I think it's just fine.
So I'm in training for adulthood and I find it exhausting.
For instance, bills....what is this madness? Why does my paycheck, from my big girl job (might I add) not cover everything and allow me to live in a fancy apartment styled after the likes of all of my Pinterest boards? Because life...that's why.
Student loans (kind of considered bills because mine are the size of a freaking mortgage, but no please government...bring it on). How are those feasible to pay?
Jury duty...did we have to meet so soon?
How on earth do you find people to date in New Jersey after college that aren't fist pumping idiots from the bar your friends dragged you to?
I could go on. But I won't...for your sake and stuff.
Really though, life post grad is kind of terrifying. Trust me, people along the way have tried to tell me it's okay that I don't have everything figured out, but I can't help but feeling like I am supposed too.
At face value, I suppose I could pass for an adult...I even wear high heels every day, but if you really know me, you know that I still live in my childhood bedroom and that in of itself should tell you I don't quite have a grasp on things just yet.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say I think it's just fine.
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