6 Important Lessons from 2014

I love when the "new year" rolls around, particularly because I love a good "fresh start." Oftentimes when things, years, relationships, what have you, come to an end, it's seen as a bad thing, but in my life, some of the most beautiful moments have come from "ends."

2014 was undoubtedly a weird year. It had wonderful highs and it had incredible lows, but it taught me a few things...

Selfishness. I've always been a selfless person, but almost to a fault. I learned in the tail end of 2013 and throughout all of 2014 that it doesn't hurt to put a little focus on yourself. Oftentimes by putting so much focus and importance on other people, you risk losing site of who you are and what you want. I've penned a post on this for early 2015 - I look forward to sharing more!

Vulnerability. If anyone is a longtime reader of this blog, they know that I poured my heart and soul into a relationship that otherwise ended pretty poorly. After the fact, I built the biggest fort around my heart and if anyone even came close to it...well, I came guns blazin' and scared them away. It wasn't until I spent time in El Salvador that I realized that it was okay to let my guard down - that beautiful things happen when I do. I wrote this in my travel journal on my last night abroad: "It pays to keep your heart open - to love, to trust, to be vulnerable. Despite any pain that might come with it, it's worth it." I've tried to remember that every day since and although its hard, it's so hard, and yes it can be painful, it's worth it. Vulnerability isn't easy, but it's a very powerful thing. If you have time, watch this TED talk by Brene Brown on vulnerability, see here.

There's a "good" in every "bad." Bad things happen. That's life. When they happen consistently it's easy to feel like that's all life is offering you. I've learned this year that no matter what happens, no matter how bad, if you look at the situation "glass half full" you're likely to find a positive among the negatives. Everything is a teachable moment. Everything that happens opens the next door. It's all cause and effect. So, no matter how difficult something is, try to see the positive. It makes a worlds difference.

I don't "deserve" anything more than the next guy. This is a bad habit that I've recently gotten into. You see, the tail end of 2014 was hard. There were so many lows and I found myself repeating some version of "I deserve (happiness, the promotion, a good relationship, etc...)" and it sunk in not too long ago that I deserve jack shit. I don't deserve anything more than the next guy. It's hard to watch other people have things you feel you also deserve, but it's also important to remember that it will happen in due time - timing, after all, is everything. I'm a woman of faith and after some time of saying that to myself I started to feel pretty crappy. I trust in God and so because that's the case, I also trust that what's happening in my life is happening for a reason. Telling God you deserve something, I find, get's you nowhere.

Death can bring out the best and worst in people. Always avoid the latter. In 2014, I lost my dog of 15 years and my grandmother in the same month, both suddenly and traumatically. I was devastated. Losing my grandmother was the first death I was really old enough to understand the weight of. I took part in the funeral arrangements, I helped clean out her place, I was there through all of it. I experienced a heartbreak that I had never felt before only made worse by the way in which the family handled it. There were accusations of stolen items, fighting, rude comments and tension. It only deepened the immense sadness that we already felt and what I realized in that moment is that sometimes death brings out the worst in people, sometimes it even shows their true colors, but it also has the ability to bring out the best if you let it. I learned that in those moments it's best to be supportive, understanding, loving and triumphant because that is what your loved-one would want. Let loss strengthen you.

If you want something, go for it. One of the best lessons I learned in 2014 was that if I want something I need to say it. Sometimes you think people pick up on context clues, but more likely than not, they don't. If you want that promotion, ask. If you want someone to kiss you, tell them. You get what you want in life if you have the balls to go for it!


The lessons I've learned in 2014 far exceed this list, but these are the ones I was most happy to walk away with.  What did you learn?

Happy 2015, all! Be safe tonight - I'll see you in the New Year!

The "Could Haves" and the "Should Haves"

It sort of blows my mind to think of how much of my life would be different had I not attended the college I did. A friend and I got to discussing this over the weekend (while stuck in the car with a flat tire) and it's one of those thoughts that leaves your mind reeling - seriously, try it. Pinpoint a moment in life and then imagine if it had never happened. What lesson wouldn't you have learned? Who would you have never met?

College was the first thought that popped into my mind when I thought of this because had I not gone where I did, I'd have never met my two best friends, I would have never met my ex (which the lessons learned from that relationship are beneficial enough to count this as a negative), I probably wouldn't be employed where I am...I could go on. Attending school where I did changed my life forever and I wonder what path I'd be on at the moment if that hadn't happened how it did.

Looking at life like this, through the lens of "what would I have missed out on had I not"..., is, I think, pretty positive. I've since looked at some bad situations through this light and it certainly brings about a new value. Each moment in life leads you to the next, no matter how crappy that moment is. Everything is a building block. You have to sort of believe that every moment will lead you to the next and once that happens, the bad moments, albeit still bad, will make a little more sense.

My challenge this Monday and really, for all of 2015, is to learn to look at life through this lens more often.

Merry Christmas and Happy 2015

I am sick for the holidays this year, like really sick. Started last Friday with a mean case of laryngitis and evolved into a really terrible cold on Monday. Yesterday I tried to work, I really did, but I ended up working remotely with a hot compress over my eyes, barely accomplishing anything. Today, Christmas Eve, I am writing from my work desk, which isn't much of a joyful place either because there are basically two people in the office and everything is in shambles because we are moving - this is actually kind of exciting, the moving part, I mean.

This is the first Christmas Eve that I have ever spent away from my family...that I've ever worked! It's strange, it's a very strange and adult-ish thing to do and I'm unsure how I feel about it. All I know is that Christmas spirit is hard to come by when you've been running a fever on and off for the last 6 days.

Whatever, I ordered Thai food for lunch...so there are simple pleasures.

I am happy it's Christmastime, don't get me wrong. It's my favorite time of year, but after losing my Nana this June the family has collectively lost some of the magic that comes with the season. More than anything, I am most excited for 2015. I would be lying if I said that I didn't love 2014...I did. The end of 2013 and start of 2014 were both trying seasons, but they were beautiful. Beautiful and wonderful things happened and I can honestly say 2014 was one of my favorite years so far, but it's also been one of the hardest, especially the last 6 months. Yet, hard as it's been, it's been sprinkled with simple joys, good friends, nights I will never forget, and moments with my family that I'll cherish forever. 2015 just feels good. It sounds good. I have this instinctual feeling that big things are about to happen and so I am welcoming the new year with big, open arms...like one of those slow, beach scenes where two people are running towards each other with dramatic music.

Just like last year, I thought that I'd take some time and share what my goals/resolutions are for the new year....so here goes nothing!

This Year...

A bad habit I am going to break....Overeating
A new skill I'd like to learn....Spanish, paddle boarding and to refine my skiing skills!
A person I hope to be more like...Mother Teresa
A good deed I am going to do...Sponsor a child
A place I'd like to visit....Seattle or Costa Rica
A book I'd like to read....The Bible (in full)
A new food I'd like to try and make....Pupusas
I'm going to do better at...Being consistent (especially on this little blog) and controlling my anxiety

What are you going to do in 2015?

Photo courtesy of Thyme is Honey...read this blog, it's lovely!

On that note, I'll see everyone in the New Year. I hope the holiday brings an abundance of blessings to you and your families.

Adult in Training

I'm not supposed to have everything figured out, right?  So far, 22 looks like an uphill battle, met with the trials and tribulations of adulthood, which still...how am I considered an adult? I think when you can finally support yourself you can consider yourself an adult, until then, you're in training.

So I'm in training for adulthood and I find it exhausting.

For instance, bills....what is this madness?  Why does my paycheck, from my big girl job (might I add) not cover everything and allow me to live in a fancy apartment styled after the likes of all of my Pinterest boards?  Because life...that's why.

Student loans (kind of considered bills because mine are the size of a freaking mortgage, but no please government...bring it on).  How are those feasible to pay?

Jury duty...did we have to meet so soon?

How on earth do you find people to date in New Jersey after college that aren't fist pumping idiots from the bar your friends dragged you to?

I could go on. But I won't...for your sake and stuff.

Really though, life post grad is kind of terrifying.  Trust me, people along the way have tried to tell me it's okay that I don't have everything figured out, but I can't help but feeling like I am supposed too.

At face value, I suppose I could pass for an adult...I even wear high heels every day, but if you really know me, you know that I still live in my childhood bedroom and that in of itself should tell you I don't quite have a grasp on things just yet.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say I think it's just fine.

Left my heart in El Salvador...a long overdue blog post

A few months back I caught a flight to El Salvador, a long overdue trip that was initially derailed by a volcano.  Thankfully, I got to see this trip through and it's just one I won't ever forget...or take for granted.

El Sal isn't a vacation destination and so it makes sense that many of you may never think of it as a place you wish to visit, but if the opportunity to serve ever presents itself please take it.

It's hard to sum the experience up, but between the loving, beautiful culture and community, to the people I served, it left me speechless.  Never in my life had I felt that at ease, that content, that faithful.  I left family behind in El Sal, there's a little girl there named Kimberly that I left my heart with, I pray every Sunday for the country...I could go on.

I learned that it's important to be present and open in life.  It felt great to unplug and leave day to day distractions behind.  I soaked in the culture, the people, the faith.  I soaked in their love until it filled me up and I couldn't take it anymore.

I honest didn't think I was going to leave and it absolutely broke my heart when I did.  But I'll be back someday.  In the meantime, I read my travel journal often, look at my photos almost daily, and keep all of it so close to my heart.

I did my best to not take pictures of the people I served at the soup kitchen because that didn't seem right, but below please find some pictures of my teammates, a few people we met along the way that matter a lot to me, and just the gorgeous country <3

 The back of the truck is a common mode of transportation in El Sal.  One of the days we were there the women who we served with at the soup kitchen took us for a ride and one of the best days of my life ensued.  We hiked to the top of a mountain, had fresh coconuts opened with a machete, had the best meals of our lives and just spent it in good company.  

 These pictures are a bit out of order, but this was our last day overlooking the unbelievable view from our camp.

 I'm hysterically crying in this photo and very glad that you can't tell!

 Stations of the Cross in sand!

 Represents no violence against women

June.

I hate change.

But doesn't everyone, even a little?

I've graduated college.

I moved back home.

I started a full time job.

My grandmother fell ill.

We lost my grandmother.

My loan payments showed up.

All in June.  

It's been a time of high stress and I've learned a few lessons...

I am broke and cannot move out.  That's ok.

Death makes people crazy.

Loss will always turn your world upside down.

Family is everything.

Friends are everything.

Work is satisfying if you work hard.

It's okay to say you've had too much.

Moving home from college is hard, missing your friends is harder.

Hey July, I am so happy to see you.

What not to say on a first date...some tips and a few horrifying examples

Guys...dating is hard.  Like really, really hard.  The saying goes "you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince."  I get that...it's so incredibly true, but the whole kissing frogs thing is getting old!

These past few months I've been on a handful of really awful dates and a few not so bad dates and a few good dates that just lead nowhere...

What I've learned in all of it is to laugh; at yourself, your date (when appropriate) and the uphill battle that is dating.

Here's a few words of wisdom:

• Never, ever, EVER lead with the fact that you like to smoke a lot of marijuana (this has happened to me twice...two separate dates in the last three months.  My friends are getting a kick out of it)
• Never follow that up with the fact that you used to be a drug dealer
• Certainly never correct someone.  You may be a stickler for grammar but just because your date slips up in conversation does warrant you to be pretentious...I'm just saying
• Don't ever order for your date...just don't.  I don't even think I have to tell you why
• Do not bad mouth your ex.  Rule of thumb, don't even bring up past relationships on the first date.  If you are even remotely worth my time, I'll tell you all about that at a later time
• Also leave religion out of it.  I went on a date once actually wait twice where the guys tried to convince me God wasn't real.  LOL.  Who talks about that on a first date? SAVE IT
• If you are "playing the field" make sure you are respectful to your date.  I respect keeping your options open but finishing the date by telling me you are dating two other people but that I may have knocked one out of the running isn't going to work.  Just remember that no one in their right mind wants to hear their date say that out loud..it doesn't make you look good
• OH yeah don't tell your date you are trying to "dumb something down" for them just because they didn't go to school to study the same thing you did or may not be as well versed in something as you.  

I'm sure I am forgetting things...but even so, these should get you by ;)

Happy hunting, erm...dating...

Just stick me on a farm

A few months ago I was watching Extra Virgin on the Cooking Channel.  I love Debi and Gabriele, like probably way too much.  Anyway, it was the episode where they buy chickens.  Needless to say, since then I've had an obsession with having my own chickens someday.  Somehow...somehow, that has manifested into me wanting to live on a little farm!  It's funny, I grew up in rural New Jersey.  Very country, very little, very boring.  I wanted nothing to do with it come graduation and couldn't wait to head to NYC and be the "city girl" I'd always dreamed of being.  Turns out, I don't like being a city girl.  Truth is, I really appreciate a slower paced life.  I really like my little country town (although I don't wish to ever live there once my parents retire.)  Regardless, this little farm obsession is silly and I love it.

Here are a few pictures I found on Pinterest that could basically turn anyone into a farmer.

 

Has your heart melted yet?

Also - for some future reading, check out this blog!  She is amazing...she's a farmer...and she's always dishing up fantastic farm fresh and seasonably inspired food. 

Some food for thought

 "Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.  We need hours of aimless wandering or spates of time sitting on park benches, observing the mysterious world of ants and the canopy of treetops."

-Maya Angelou 

I expressed to you all in my last post that my absence on this blog lately has everything to do with my over packed schedule.  At the moment, I work three days a week in New York City, am involved in a national public relations competition in the evenings, work an on campus job on Tuesdays and Fridays, am the managing editor of my school newspaper on Wednesdays and any other day of the week that job demands and I go to school on Tuesdays in between everything else.  I'm overwhelmed.  I've had no time for friends, for fun, for anything for that matter and it's my senior year of college.  I've always been transparent with you all and if I'm being totally honest, I am feeling deflated these days.  I'm doing what I can to make my schedule easier and to enjoy the down time that I have.  As of today I will only be working two days in Manhattan and that alone alleviates some stress.  Even if I can't make my schedule "less busy" I am seeking ways to be present and calm in my down time. 

It hit me today that I need to do more for myself.  I was home this weekend visiting my parents and as I was leaving and hugging my dad goodbye on Sunday night, I found myself crying...I cried the whole way back to school.  I just didn't want to face my week and that shouldn't be the case.

I am the type of person that refuses to admit when I'm feeling overwhelmed or a little bit down.  Today I've admitted it. Ironically, I saw this quote today and it really resonated with me. It's necessary to unplug sometimes, to take time for yourself.  I hope that if you read this and are feeling this way...you too will choose to do what's best for you <3

Monday.

Every once in a while I fall off the face of the earth and each time that happens I pop back here and give you all a million excuses.  The truth is, when life get's really busy, I have a really hard time balancing.  Ultimately, certain things need to be sacrificed and sadly the blog is often a sacrifice I need to make.  Recently I've toyed with getting rid of it, but I stop myself because one day I will have the time to dedicate to this, so I keep it going.  I'm working to figure out a few ways that I can be more present on here with you all..so just bear with me.

Can we chat for a second about this weather?  Because...I cannot deal with it anymore. Commuting into the city looking like a bundled Eskimo is getting to be a bit too much and it's dragging me down.  It's the tail end of Fashion Week in New York and that typically motivates me to pull out the stops, but I haven't worn makeup since Wednesday so that lets you know how that is going.

Today has just been a whirlwind but I'll spare you.  In the meantime, just know I'm here and will do my best to be present.  

I've got a great spring wish list to share with you all that I have been working on so keep an eye out!

Wanderlust and Spain 2009

I mentioned very recently on the blog that I have been dying to go to Italy, but let's be real here...I am dying to go anywhere.  The great news is that my dream of going to El Salvador is back on (trip was rescheduled) and my girlfriend and I are planning a trip to Europe after I graduate as my last attempt at freedom before adulthood.  We don't have a place in mind right now seeing as we both are just eager to travel, but we are planning on using Groupon for the trip.  Has anyone every used Groupon for a trip and what did you all think about it?  I always value your opinions and love when ya'll email.  Even if you guys have found cheap ways to travel abroad that didn't use Groupon, those suggestions are welcome also :)

In the meantime, I went through my old photos and found some pictures from when I went to Spain!  Wanted to share (these are from 2009 - so crazy)