Do people still make bucket lists?

Do people still make bucket lists?  Like, is that a thing?  Or do people going through midlife crises only do it…

Whatever, I want to make one.  Not because I want to go do crazy things my senior year but basically just to go to different things!  I’m all about leaving my comfort zone these days so bring it on bucket list*

Fall 2013 Goals/BUCKET LIST!!!**

Goals:

•  Workout at least 5x a week
•  Go out/be with friends 1-2 times a weekend
•  Attend at least one event with my internship
•  Secure internship for Spring
• Brush teeth 2x a day – do not judge me for this…I only brush once right now but I feel like I should be more attentive to them…they deserve it.
•  Blog at least 3x a week
•  4.0 GPA – I’ve always had a lame 3.9 or 3.8
•   Read at least one book that I actually want to read.  Sorry professors.
• Go to church every Sunday
•  Do something out of my comfort zone at least once of month (See below).

Bucket List:***

•  Run a 5k in November
• Take a road trip/day trip/regular trip to Boston/Philly/or DC
• Go to a winery
• Go on a service trip
• Go to the San Gennaro festival in NYC
•  Plan a vacation with my girlfriends
• Go to at least one concert
• Go zip lining

*This is actually such a lame bucket list, sorry guys.

**I can’t help but think of the song Blurred Lines as I write this because really, where is the line drawn between goals and a bucket list? 

***This is just going to keep getting longer and longer.

The Anxiety Diaries, a welcome address

You know what makes me anxious?  Life…life makes me anxious…so does this blog post.  As a kid, I was the nervous Nancy of the bunch.  I worried about my parents, my dog, my outfit that day, my everything basically.  I, Ashley, am a worry-wart.  For some time, I didn't understand it…I guess no one else did either.  It frustrated my parents to no end, mainly because no one could figure out how to calm me down.  I was even anxious about sleeping.  Seriously…sleeping.  I was so afraid that I would wake up and nothing would be like it was the day before.  That’s exhausting just thinking about it because that’s what life is all about…change.

As I grew older, I suppose I found ways to tackle the intense anxiousness that I felt…or maybe I just grew out of those worries and moved on to other ones.  Regardless, for a good portion of my life, my anxiety did not affect me in a debilitating way….and then I went to high school.

As a junior, I remember waking up one morning and thinking “oh crap, I’m gonna die.”  It felt like someone was sitting on my chest mixed with the worst stomach ache on the face of the earth.  I had felt like this before but it had been a while.  I lived like that for many months and then one day I just woke up and was okay again.  Granted I had been teaching myself ways to deal with it, but still, it went away.  I thought, once again, I was anxiety free. 

I moved on to college “anxiety free” until my junior year.  HA.  Apparently junior year is a curse, but whatever.  I had the same intense anxiety I had in high school, except worse.  This time though, I couldn't put my finger on why I was feeling this way, as I could in high school.  I had a fantastic life.  My frustration only made the anxiety worse and both the end of 2012 and start of 2013 were plagued with this debilitating anxiety.  What I grew to realize is that my anxiety never goes away, it’s a part of me and if I don’t acknowledge it, it builds up and hits me like a ton of bricks. 

At first I hated the idea of it.  How much does that suck, realizing that you have anxiety, like all the freaking time.  I struggled with that for a really long time and then I just woke up one day and realized it wasn't worth it.  If I’m going to live with it I might as well learn to cope with it!  Thus, I've been on a journey to love, understand and most importantly tackle my anxiety all the while trying to just laugh about it.  So, that brings me to the reason I’m even sharing this…welcome to The Anxiety Diaries. 

At the end of the day, the things I worry about are very real to me.  Sometimes I become consumed by them…sometimes they even ruin things for me.  BUT, if I come to love it and understand it all while trying to tackle it, then, you know what…I got this!  I think anxiety is something people don’t like talking about, God I know I don’t.  Yet, for as uncomfortable as it is to acknowledge, there is great understanding once you do.

So, let’s just laugh about all of this, let’s say once a week.  Let’s be more serious some days and not so much on others.  Welcome to The Anxiety Diaries and most importantly, welcome to From Scratch. 

**I am not an expert in anxiety and if you are feeling it intensely, please seek help in some way!  This series is not meant to be anything other than my experience with my own anxiety.  I hope it provides everyone a little laughter and a lot of relief.  

A little greeting :)

Hey folks, chances are you’re either new to my blog or entered hairbowsandsmiles.com into your search bar and ended up here.  Are you confused?  I would be too, but let me explain.  After some recent changes in my life, Hair Bows and Smiles was no longer a direction I wanted to take with my writing.  Over my blogging journey I have done a lot of thinking regarding where I wanted to go on this experience and where I wanted to take the blog.  Ultimately it led me here.  While I am incredibly sad to see that part of my journey end, life happens, things change and I need to move on and forward and so we are going to do it together as one big happy blog family. I have always been so grateful for the support you have all provided me and I hope you choose to continue on this journey with me!

The inspiration for From Scratch was pretty simple.  To me, the best things in life are made from scratch.  They are molded and customized and with a lot love, time and care, they flourish.  When I began baking a few years ago, I remember thinking “why would anyone ever bake out of the box when making things from scratch is so simple and rewarding?!” and since then “from scratch” has become a way of life.

I’ve been an avid blog reader for many years and truly respect the women (and men) out there that do it.  They are my idols.  A little while ago I stumbled on the blog Momastery and even though I am not a momma, Glennon Melton stole my heart.  She just gets it.  What started as reading her blog turned into reading her book (Carry on, Warrior) and since then I have added her mantra in life to my very own.  She’s great and I truly urge you, no matter what walk of life, to pick that book up and read her blog.  What I love about Glennon and her writing is that she’s honest.  She tells it like it is and it’s refreshing.  When I sat down to think about what I wanted this blog to be, I thought “channel Glennon, she’d want you to write honestly and unforgivably because you have a story to tell.”  And so that is what I want to do and I’m going to do it without any reservations. 

I’m so happy to have you here, please stay a while J

Getting on with the motions

I think it's time to go back to school...or move on with the motions of life at least.  Summer is winding down and in roughly two weeks I'll be back at college.  I typically dread this but I feel like it's time to get senior year over with.  I'm excited for this time in my life.

These next two weeks are so busy and frustrating for a multitude of reasons.  For starters, things are so busy for Tim and I that we will hardly get to see each other before we head back to school.  I have a hard time missing Tim, I always have.  My happiness and my home is with him and so I think it's just hard to be away. Not sure if that even makes sense...but whatever.  I feels what I feels people. 

Aside from that, these next two weeks are packed with tons to do.  Aside from getting ready for school, I have a crazy amount of work to do for several of my jobs on campus.  Holy moly....I just can't.

Regardless of all the crazy there are some amazing things happening these next few weeks and I think it's a good time to sit down and acknowledge them:

1. Tim's sister and fiance are getting married this Sunday!  I am soooooo excited for them.  I love weddings no matter what but it's so much better when the two people getting married are people you care about.  Sending wedding blessings their way this week!
2. On August 10th, Tim and I will be together for a year and a half.  Typically people don't celebrate "halves" and we aren't planning to either, but we acknowledge it and are thrilled.  Tim is my heart and soul and each month I am just reminded of how blessed I am that he picked me.  
3. Senior year is starting!  Normally going back to school just sucks but when it's senior year I feel like it's hard to hate it.  
4. At the end of the month my uncle and his fiance are getting married.  Two weddings in one month....can't even wait.  
5. I'm starting a fantastic internship on September 9th.  I am so excited for this in particular.  I have been looking for something in the food and beverage industry that does PR and after looking hard enough I found a phenomenal opportunity.  I am so eager to start.
6. Fall.  I don't think there is too much to say about this that you guys don't already know.  I love fall...like a lot.  Apple picking, fashion, food, family, etc...perfect. 

I could probably go on and on about about all the good things happening and that is a great thing <3

Things I've learned in July

For as fast as July felt like it went, it also feels like it has been so long.  I think in between the craziness that July brought, it also had some phenomenal lessons.

1.  I am not ready to have kids.  This is obvious I guess, since I'm not married or whatever and I'm only 21...but July made me really aware of this fact.  At the beginning of the month Tim and I took a trip to Buffalo to visit my family and I have a ton of little cousins under the age of 7.  It doesn't take long to realize how much of a handful kids really are, even if they are cute as a button.  I just remember looking at Tim and saying "we should wait until we are 1,000 years old."

2.  I shouldn't drink caffeine.  Sometimes I like to test my limits with this stuff but all it does is make me anxious.  

3.  4th of July is a pretty fun holiday.  4th of July, for obvious reasons, is a pretty decent holiday, but growing up we never put much focus on it.  This year, maybe it was because we were on vacation and I was with family, but 4th of July was really good.  

4.  I miss my family in Buffalo.  Since we've already been on the subject of Buffalo I feel like it's safe to just throw out there the fact that I really miss my family.  I don't think this was new information to me, but this vacation made it particularly hard to leave.  I love being around the little cousins and my aunts, uncles and grandparents.  I feel so in my element when I'm there and you throw Tim in the mix and I'm just sold.  

5.  Fast food is both a good and awful idea.  A couple weeks ago Tim and I were feeling spontaneous and were like "omg...let's get Burger King" and for two people who never eat fast food we didn't think it was a bad idea.  And it wasn't a bad idea until like an hour later when both of us were on the couch dying.  

6.  Sometimes it's nice to spend money on yourself.  I've been saving these bullets in my phone for the whole month and for the life of my I can't remember why I put this one.  I hate spending money...but I guess there's a point to it.  I'm generally the type of person that likes to give to other people.  I love how happy it makes them, but every once in a while it's nice to give to yourself.  

7.  Life isn't perfect, neither am I.

8.  Growth is important.

9.  Turning 21 isn't so bad.  It's nice to be able to order a drink in public!