Getting on with the motions

I think it's time to go back to school...or move on with the motions of life at least.  Summer is winding down and in roughly two weeks I'll be back at college.  I typically dread this but I feel like it's time to get senior year over with.  I'm excited for this time in my life.

These next two weeks are so busy and frustrating for a multitude of reasons.  For starters, things are so busy for Tim and I that we will hardly get to see each other before we head back to school.  I have a hard time missing Tim, I always have.  My happiness and my home is with him and so I think it's just hard to be away. Not sure if that even makes sense...but whatever.  I feels what I feels people. 

Aside from that, these next two weeks are packed with tons to do.  Aside from getting ready for school, I have a crazy amount of work to do for several of my jobs on campus.  Holy moly....I just can't.

Regardless of all the crazy there are some amazing things happening these next few weeks and I think it's a good time to sit down and acknowledge them:

1. Tim's sister and fiance are getting married this Sunday!  I am soooooo excited for them.  I love weddings no matter what but it's so much better when the two people getting married are people you care about.  Sending wedding blessings their way this week!
2. On August 10th, Tim and I will be together for a year and a half.  Typically people don't celebrate "halves" and we aren't planning to either, but we acknowledge it and are thrilled.  Tim is my heart and soul and each month I am just reminded of how blessed I am that he picked me.  
3. Senior year is starting!  Normally going back to school just sucks but when it's senior year I feel like it's hard to hate it.  
4. At the end of the month my uncle and his fiance are getting married.  Two weddings in one month....can't even wait.  
5. I'm starting a fantastic internship on September 9th.  I am so excited for this in particular.  I have been looking for something in the food and beverage industry that does PR and after looking hard enough I found a phenomenal opportunity.  I am so eager to start.
6. Fall.  I don't think there is too much to say about this that you guys don't already know.  I love fall...like a lot.  Apple picking, fashion, food, family, etc...perfect. 

I could probably go on and on about about all the good things happening and that is a great thing <3

Watching my little brother grow up

When we were little the three-year age gap between my brother and I both worked in our favor and worked against us.  We had many days of playing make believe and we also had many days spent arguing.  I remember the day when I woke up and felt too old to play make believe and a little too cool to be hanging out with my baby brother and the thought of that even makes me feel sad.  As if precious time was wasted. Regardless of what day we woke up and had, Ryan and I always remained close and one thing has always been certain, I love my baby brother to the moon and back.  A couple months ago Ryan made the decision to attend college 5 hours away and while my initial reaction was pure excitement, it didn't take long for it to settle in and make me sad.  I realized that I've been spoiled these last 21 years to have him so close by and that come August that wont be the same.  It first hit me when he had prom just a few short weeks ago and then again on Monday when he graduated.  It was funny to see my parents so stoic at graduation meanwhile I'm sitting next to them trying not too cry and failing terribly.  I'm so proud of my little brother and all of his accomplishments.  I've always stuck up for him and pushed him to be a better kid and it's nice to see that he's turning into a phenomenal man.

When I was Ryan's age I couldn't help but feel like I would never know more than I knew in that moment...but boy was I wrong.  My hope for Ryan is that he approaches college with that in mind.  Life lessons and an abundance of knowledge will come his way these next few years and I just hope he soaks it all in.  

Now excuse me while I go cry...

Confessions of a college student

Quite frankly, I am freaking tired.  I'm a junior now, which means I have been working my butt off for the last three years patiently (okay impatiently) waiting for graduation.  As I approach my senior year I am growing wearier of what is to come.  I'm actually scared to death.

Given some time, college wears you thin.  There are too many expectations from too many people and I am seriously at my wits end.  Why are we never allowed to decided what we want for ourselves at this age?  Instead, we let a million other people tell us what we should be doing and criticize us for what we aren't doing and then we obsess over it a million times!  It's not fair and to be frank, it's a vicious cycle.  I sat down tonight with Tim's sister and brother-in-law (who should honestly travel the world as motivational speakers for weary college kids) and they talked some sense into me.

"You'll be fine," they told me. 

If you had asked me if I would be fine this morning when I rolled out of bed for church, I would have laughed till I was blue in the face.  Lately I have been feeling a lot of pressure from those in my field of work including students, professors, advisors and my internship.  I feel like I haven't sat down to really think about what I want from my life and my career, instead, I hyper-focus on what others tell me I need to do.  That concept is ridiculous and I'm not afraid to feel that way anymore.  Especially not after today's pep-talk.  No way, right now I feel empowered.

I feel empowered to do what I want with my career.  I feel empowered to be my own person and to listen to my intuitions not those around me clouding my judgment.  I once had a professor tell me that If I wanted to be successful as a woman in my field of work, I should plan to never marry and never have children.  I left class upset that night (who am I kidding, I called Tim crying).  The point is, that's not true and I wont let that affect me anymore.

I guess what I want to stress to everyone is that you need to do what makes you happy and to do it on your own accord otherwise you wont be happy.  The truth is, I don't want to do what those people tell me I should do.  I just want to be happy.  I'm glad his sister and brother-in-law provided some clarity because I needed it.  Sometimes things just wear you thin and if all else fails just trust the person that tells you that you'll be fine.  They are probably right.