My weight loss journey

 

At my heaviest weight.

At my skinniest!

I have been overweight my whole life.  Every since I could remember I have struggled to find clothes and to feel comfortable in my own skin. I tend to be an emotional eater, gaining the most weight at times when life hasn't been perfect.  Throughout high school I remember being unhappy with my weight but never to the point where I couldn't find something that looked nice on me.  I always prided myself in dressing really well for my size.  As a sophomore I was at a comfortable 190 pounds and then, when I least expected it, I put on a lot of weight fast.  My junior year of high school was a tough year and I will spare you all that sob story but by the time I reached my senior year, my eating habits had helped me gain a lot of weight.  When the spring of my freshmen year of college rolled around I decided it was finally time to step on the dreaded scale.  I wanted to die.  I had gained close to 100 pounds, putting my weight at 270.  I was mortified and quite honestly devastated that I had let myself gain that much weight.  So I joined Weight Watchers and it was the best decision I ever made.  I lost 50 pounds in my spring semester!  It was a phenomenal feeling and then something awful happened....I got really really sick. I was sick for the whole month of June and into July and didn't know it and by the end of July I was in the hospital with acute pancreatitis needing emergency surgery to take my gallbladder out.  The kicker was that my rapid weight loss, although I did it in a very healthy way, caused my illness.  Long story short I spent the next couple of months (really my whole summer) in recovery.  And there went my weight loss.

I tried to stay healthy after that, stick to Weight Watchers, the whole 9 yards, but it was hard and eventually I let myself quit.  So...for the past year and a half, I have been putting weight back on.  I hadn't been letting it bother me until recently when I realized I could tell.  I myself, looking in the mirror, trying to put clothes on that were fitting a little too snug, could notice. And maybe no one else can, Tim sure as hell doesn't, but I do and I hate it. 

So on Sunday, after talking to Tim, I decided it was time to jump back on the weight loss bandwagon.  I pulled up my Weight Watchers account and promised myself to stick to it...no matter how hard. I haven't weighed myself yet, I think I am a little scared to see what it says, but when I do, I will keep you all posted.

I think that if I report back here every once in a while it will keep me honest.  It will keep me going.  It has never been about fitting into a size 0.  I am a chunky girl and I just want to be healthy.  I want to look into the mirror and be happy with what I see.

The way I see it is that before I know it I am going to be a bride and I really don't want to look at those wedding photos one day and hate what I see.  Tim will love me no matter what and I love that about him, but it's on me to love myself.  He can't do that for me too. So if there is any artificial reason for me really doing this..it's so I like myself in a wedding dress.

Thanks for listening and wish me luck!