A familiar feeling. Thoughts on the Boston Marathon.

I'll never forget the day 9/11 happened, mostly because I don't think any nine year old at that time could forget the confusion we all felt.  I can't say for sure if I truly understood what was going on that day, all I remember is being terrified   I cried because my mom cried and I was scared because I knew she was.  For months afterward the sight and sound of an airplane sent me running, sometimes crying.  I think most kids' parents sheltered them from the news and magazine covers, but mine didn't.  Not because they didn't want to, but because I was curious, I couldn't stand to look away from the television and I surely couldn't help picking up the publications at our local A&P.  As time went on I became increasingly unnerved because I knew more and more.  I began to understand what this world was like.

My mom brings up the same story every time we discuss 9/11.  She remembers me being so concerned that someday I would have to explain this to my children.  She told me I thought long and hard on the situation and of all things to upset me, that seemed to be the worst.  What a wise thought for a 9-year-old.  If I think back now I vaguely remember telling my dad that it bothered me that my children would learn about this day in their history classes.  My children will come home one day and ask me if I remember what it was like when the Twin Towers fell and that makes me sad.

This brings me all to today.  Yesterday, a person or a group of people bombed the Boston Marathon.  While we don't know if it was an attack sent from abroad or one sent from the confines of our country, to see the words 'terrorist attack' in the news again on our soil is scary.  But what I found to be more upsetting was the fact that I didn't feel surprised.  Disturbed? Yes. Surprised? No.  My mind quickly searched for the memory of 9/11 and I couldn't help feeling sad.  Just another thing for the history books.

My parents and Tim asked me not to go into work today and at first I fought them on the idea.  I felt safe enough to go in, I trust my county.  At the same time, I'm a little glad I didn't.  Instead, I will donate blood today and continue to pray for the runners and their families as well as the onlookers affected by the bombs.

Growing up

I spent the majority of my life wishing I was a grownup.  My mom has always said that I could have lived on my own from a very young age.  I've always been independent.  When I had a problem, I solved it.  No need to involve mom or dad.

This past year, my junior year of college, my family and I have started spending a lot of time discussing the future. Where will I live after school, what career will I have, how will we pay loans, etc... The closer it gets to my senior year the more I start to freak out.  Growing up is terrifying.

It still excites me, don't get me wrong.  I have so much to look forward too these next 2-3 years (transition time).  Tim and I hope to be married before 2016 which means everything to me.  It excites me.  I could have married him yesterday.  I feel like when you are in a committed relationship, getting older is harder on so many different levels.  For example, the subject of holiday's. 

Tim and I don't plan to really split holiday's until we are engaged, but after spending Thanksgiving and Christmas apart, we realized how much it sucked.  We missed each other horribly. So we set out to devise a plan for this Easter. 

This past Sunday Tim and I sat down and discussed Easter, and the holiday's to come both before we are married and after.  Towards the end of the conversation I just started to cry.  It felt so sad at the idea of not seeing my family on a holiday, but it is part of growing up.  It is part of being in a relationship.

Talking to my mom was hard.  She is currently suffering premature empty nest syndrome with my brother planning to go very far for college and I think reality is setting in.  Regardless, we didn't speak for two days and I quickly realized that growing up is tougher than I thought.  It's not just about jobs and money and places to live. It's about significant change. 

I welcome it with open arms because it means my life with Tim is starting, but it stings a bit.