Growing up

I spent the majority of my life wishing I was a grownup.  My mom has always said that I could have lived on my own from a very young age.  I've always been independent.  When I had a problem, I solved it.  No need to involve mom or dad.

This past year, my junior year of college, my family and I have started spending a lot of time discussing the future. Where will I live after school, what career will I have, how will we pay loans, etc... The closer it gets to my senior year the more I start to freak out.  Growing up is terrifying.

It still excites me, don't get me wrong.  I have so much to look forward too these next 2-3 years (transition time).  Tim and I hope to be married before 2016 which means everything to me.  It excites me.  I could have married him yesterday.  I feel like when you are in a committed relationship, getting older is harder on so many different levels.  For example, the subject of holiday's. 

Tim and I don't plan to really split holiday's until we are engaged, but after spending Thanksgiving and Christmas apart, we realized how much it sucked.  We missed each other horribly. So we set out to devise a plan for this Easter. 

This past Sunday Tim and I sat down and discussed Easter, and the holiday's to come both before we are married and after.  Towards the end of the conversation I just started to cry.  It felt so sad at the idea of not seeing my family on a holiday, but it is part of growing up.  It is part of being in a relationship.

Talking to my mom was hard.  She is currently suffering premature empty nest syndrome with my brother planning to go very far for college and I think reality is setting in.  Regardless, we didn't speak for two days and I quickly realized that growing up is tougher than I thought.  It's not just about jobs and money and places to live. It's about significant change. 

I welcome it with open arms because it means my life with Tim is starting, but it stings a bit.