Happy Monday! I'm having a crisis...

It's snowing or raining outside..I'm actually not at all positive which one it actually is.  I'm in class and writing on this blog which should tell you all that I am bored to death.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about life considering so much is changing.  This weekend, while my boyfriend and I were lounging around, he very candidly asked me if I still wanted to do public relations as my career.  We were watching the new show "The Taste" and I had been discussing with him how much I loved to cook and really thought I could go on the show.  Well, I suppose at some point I made the comment that I could go on that show and then I wouldn't have to sit in a cubicle every day for the rest of my life, I could just do what I love.  So he asked...and I don't blame him for asking.  What scared me in that moment was the fact that I didn't know the answer.  Instead I got quiet and mumbled a very quiet "I don't know."  

To be completely honest with all of you, I didn't have the best semester this past fall.  Classes were rough for me and I struggled, even within my major. It was upsetting and frustrating and I left for Christmas break feeling very sad.  Like someone had burst my PR bubble.  When I came back for the Spring I was offered an amazing internship at a small PR firm in the city, a mentorship program with the Vice President of TBS, and I had a wonderful conversation with my adviser in which she assured me that I was good at what I do.

Well...I should feel better right?  I should want to do this again, right?  Wrong. So terribly wrong.  I am literally having a quarter life crisis and I have no idea what to do about it.

I have been taking the time, upon realizing I was having a quarter life crisis, to think about what I really want to get out of life.  What are my dreams?  What do I see myself doing?  While not everything fits into a picture perfect, step-by-step, scenario, it is what I want in my life and I am going to try my hardest to accomplish it.

1.  I will continue my education with public relations and graduate from my University
2.  I will search for a job as a wedding planner and obtain any extra necessary documentation to do so
3.  I want to eventually open either my own wedding planning company or a bakery
4.  I want to have the opportunity to stay home with my children when that is the case
5.  I want to have a successful blog in my lifetime

That's what I want as a career.  A compilation or variation of all of that.  So no, it's not exactly public relations, but it's my dream.  My degree will help me achieve all of it.

Sunday recap!

Happy Sunday everyone!  It's cold in New Jersey and I am dreading the fact that I have class tomorrow...but that is besides the point.

It has been a really long week here and probably an even longer weekend.  Between staring my internship in the city with an hour and a half commute to rushing back for night classes and business dinners, I hardly had time to slow down.  This weekend I haven't slept past 6:30 a.m. once...not even ONCE.  Needless to say I am utterly exhausted and have to repeat it this week.  Yikes.  

I'm so tired I don't even think I grasped a single thing from church this morning which is horrible of me.  I was just so focused on the million other little things going on.  It's funny because usually I have these weeks every once in a while but for some reason I don't see things slowing down in the near future.  February is a terribly busy month with wonderful things planned but man, it's times like these when I still wish I had caffeine!

On a totally weird side note tangent, I found out today that my married ex-boyfriend, whom I dated all through high school, is having a baby.  It was weird when he got married. I mean granted I wanted to get married like yesterday, but still, besides the point.  I think what makes this all the weirder is that my best friend growing up already has a little girl.  Holy moly....like what?  I in no way mean to judge and I wish them both the best but I suppose I view things differently.  I want to have a huge family, I just want to wait.  I want to spend years with Tim travelling and building a life we are both proud of and feel secure having.  Regardless, this morning I stopped and thought about all of it and couldn't help but feel that awful pang in my chest reminding me that it's not high school anymore.  That graduation is soon, that I have responsibilities, that I am an adult.  None of us are kids anymore and we certainly aren't all hanging out at the beach together talking about when our days would be like this...no they are surely here.