Some food for thought

 "Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.  We need hours of aimless wandering or spates of time sitting on park benches, observing the mysterious world of ants and the canopy of treetops."

-Maya Angelou 

I expressed to you all in my last post that my absence on this blog lately has everything to do with my over packed schedule.  At the moment, I work three days a week in New York City, am involved in a national public relations competition in the evenings, work an on campus job on Tuesdays and Fridays, am the managing editor of my school newspaper on Wednesdays and any other day of the week that job demands and I go to school on Tuesdays in between everything else.  I'm overwhelmed.  I've had no time for friends, for fun, for anything for that matter and it's my senior year of college.  I've always been transparent with you all and if I'm being totally honest, I am feeling deflated these days.  I'm doing what I can to make my schedule easier and to enjoy the down time that I have.  As of today I will only be working two days in Manhattan and that alone alleviates some stress.  Even if I can't make my schedule "less busy" I am seeking ways to be present and calm in my down time. 

It hit me today that I need to do more for myself.  I was home this weekend visiting my parents and as I was leaving and hugging my dad goodbye on Sunday night, I found myself crying...I cried the whole way back to school.  I just didn't want to face my week and that shouldn't be the case.

I am the type of person that refuses to admit when I'm feeling overwhelmed or a little bit down.  Today I've admitted it. Ironically, I saw this quote today and it really resonated with me. It's necessary to unplug sometimes, to take time for yourself.  I hope that if you read this and are feeling this way...you too will choose to do what's best for you <3

The Anxiety Diaries, extending my comfort zone

Everyone has a comfort zone…that’s just common knowledge.  Howevvveeerrrr, for people with anxiety our comfort zone is like a bed of fantastically comfortable blankets in which we refuse to leave.  Leaving is terrifying….like “holy crap” scary.  We often watch from the sidelines and think, “That looks like so much fun, but no really…I’ll stay here!”

I've found lately in my life especially that I’d like to get rid of this comfort zone.

Dear Comfort Zone,

Go. Away.

Sincerely,

Ashley

Xoxoxoxoxoxo

I’d like to start doing things that would otherwise make me uncomfortable.  For example, I hate when the attention is on me because I obviously just assume that I am awkward and fugly* and that everyone knows it but lies to my face.  Anyway, I try to avoid doing things that make me look like a fool because in my head I already look like one (wow that sounds stupid when I say it out loud.)  The point is, the other day I was at an event for my school and that song that you do “The Wobble” too came on and all of my friends ran out into the middle to start dancing.  I obviously stayed on the sidelines with a girlfriend of mine who also has anxiety because, you know, fuzzy comfy blankets…obv not leaving!  One of our friends ran back and grabbed the both of us, dragged us to the center, taught us “The Wobble,” and made us dance.  I later thanked him.  He probably thought I was a crazy person, but seriously I was so thankful.  I felt like I had climbed Mt. Everest and held a dance party at the top.  Here I was in my damn navy blue bicycle print dress (yep, you can find it at Target) dancing to “The Wobble” and I was having the time of my life.  I didn't care that I looked like a fool, because you do, you just do when you are doing this dance.  If you don’t know it, look it up, teach it to yourself and then dance it alone.  Wobble till you can’t freaking Wobble anymore.  I was proud.  I had left my comfort zone and didn't even want to go back.  I’d like to make this a trend in life because leaving my comfort zone was so refreshing.

Since this moment I have tried to push myself a little farther in life and let me tell you...it's so rewarding!  I think if you do one thing a day that you normally wouldn't do, then you've been successful.  Ever since I made the decision to push myself more, it feels like certain daily anxieties that I would have have subdued.  I know this isn't a result from just that, but I'd like to think it plays a huge part.

If you are the type to stay within your comfort zone typically...I challenge you!  Go do something you wouldn't normally do and just feel amazing about it.  It helps.

 

*Look this word up on Urban Dictionary…thank me later ;)

**I am not an expert in anxiety and if you are feeling it intensely, please seek help in some way!  This series is not meant to be anything other than my experience with my own anxiety.  I hope it provides everyone a little laughter and a lot of relief.  

Series:

The Anxiety Diaries, a welcome address

Things I've learned in June

I found this amazing post today on the blog Chatting at the Sky about what had been learned in the month of June and since Emily was encouraging her readers to write their own post, I felt inspired!  

1.  It's important to keep an open mind.  At the beginning of June I moved back to school to work for a couple of weeks.  I mentioned in a previous blog post that I had felt nervous to do so because many of my friends had graduated.  My nerves caused me to be a bit removed from the group and first and it didn't take me long to realize that I had to open up more.  Being pushed outside of my comfort zone was so beneficial.
2.  To love myself even the parts that aren't so great.  2&3 sort of go hand and hand.  I found myself these past couple of weeks encouraging others to love themselves, even the parts they aren't fond of.  So for me, that would be my anxiety.  God made me this way and I've come to understand that he did so because I bring something completely different to the table.  It helps me to think of it that way and it also helps me to come to terms with what I cannot change.  I can always work on dealing with my anxiety and I do daily, but it is who I am.  Going hand and hand with that lesson, I'm finding it crucial to come to terms with things I cannot change in general.  Life is stubborn sometimes and just because I can't get something to go my way doesn't mean the world will end.
3.  To embrace what I cannot change.
4.  I will never stop learning.  Watching my brother and his class graduate on Monday was basically mind blowing.  It was a total flashback.  I could remember how it felt to be that senior in high school who was graduating and heading to college.  I remember how I felt that I would never know more than I knew in that moment.  I was so wrong.  Life has taught me that I will never stop learning.  In three years, what I have come to know through various life experiences is a significant amount more than I knew as a high school senior.  It's truly brilliant to think about.
5.  Seeing the glass half full is much better than seeing it half empty.  I'm not always a negative Nancy, but a lot of the time I can be.  I hate change and I also hate when things don't go how I pictured them.  It frustrates me to no end and I'm working on it, but it's been teaching me the positives of seeing the glass half full rather than seeing it half empty.  Life won't kick me in the ass as much if I start looking at it from that perspective.
6.  Dunkin' Donuts still does not beat out Starbucks for me.  I really try to like Dunkin' more because, you know, it's cheaper and with Starbucks recent hike in prices, it's more fitting for a college student.  However, every freaking time I get a latte I hate it.  I got one today and it tasted like I was drinking cigarette water, or how I'd imagine that would taste.
7.  New underwear is always a good idea.  I typically feel guilty for buying myself something but today I bought new underwear and realized that doing that every once in a while is a fantastic idea.  Out with the old and in with the new.
8.  I hate loud televisions.  No one needs to blast a T.V....
9.  God has blessed me.  I've always known this but it seems like each month he shows me another reason why that's true.