The Anxiety Diaries, pray more...worry less

A friend of mine has a phone case that on the back says “Pray More, Worry Less.”

Preach.

I want this phone case but because life is unfair and I can’t afford the iPhone 5 (which the case is made for…only) I am SOL.  ANYWAY.  What a great way to look at things right?  Sometimes I wake up with the most irrational worries and they consume me.  It’s no way to live life, honestly.  When I saw my friends phone case the other day I thought, “That’s it, that’s the ticket!” 

Life happens, in reality we can control very little of it.  It’s not worth consuming yourself with worries that are out of your hand, just pray about them!

There are days I wake up and honestly start worrying about my life two years from now.  No, I’m not kidding and to tell you the truth, writing this, I don’t think I can tell you exactly what I worry about.  Obviously there are worries in life that are natural.  They are things we should be worrying about.  Then there are others…worries that consume us with no real reason at all.  I know for me I have started to take a step back in times that I am worrying most and think, “Is this really worth it right now?  Should I be concerned about it?”  If not, I try to stop.  I can’t control everything (although, I would absolutely love that but I am not God, so there’s that.)  It’s helped.  Even if I’m not perfect at it yet, the thought of trying makes me feel good about myself…proud even. 

I am the type of person who is always worrying about the future as opposed to living in the moment and I’ve missed out on a lot because of it….but that’s a topic for next week. 

The point is, pray more…worry less.  Let life happen.

**I am not an expert in anxiety and if you are feeling it intensely, please seek help in some way!  This series is not meant to be anything other than my experience with my own anxiety.  I hope it provides everyone a little laughter and a lot of relief.  

Series:

The Anxiety Diaries, a welcome address

The Anxiety Diaries, extending my comfort zone

The Anxiety Diaries, extending my comfort zone

Everyone has a comfort zone…that’s just common knowledge.  Howevvveeerrrr, for people with anxiety our comfort zone is like a bed of fantastically comfortable blankets in which we refuse to leave.  Leaving is terrifying….like “holy crap” scary.  We often watch from the sidelines and think, “That looks like so much fun, but no really…I’ll stay here!”

I've found lately in my life especially that I’d like to get rid of this comfort zone.

Dear Comfort Zone,

Go. Away.

Sincerely,

Ashley

Xoxoxoxoxoxo

I’d like to start doing things that would otherwise make me uncomfortable.  For example, I hate when the attention is on me because I obviously just assume that I am awkward and fugly* and that everyone knows it but lies to my face.  Anyway, I try to avoid doing things that make me look like a fool because in my head I already look like one (wow that sounds stupid when I say it out loud.)  The point is, the other day I was at an event for my school and that song that you do “The Wobble” too came on and all of my friends ran out into the middle to start dancing.  I obviously stayed on the sidelines with a girlfriend of mine who also has anxiety because, you know, fuzzy comfy blankets…obv not leaving!  One of our friends ran back and grabbed the both of us, dragged us to the center, taught us “The Wobble,” and made us dance.  I later thanked him.  He probably thought I was a crazy person, but seriously I was so thankful.  I felt like I had climbed Mt. Everest and held a dance party at the top.  Here I was in my damn navy blue bicycle print dress (yep, you can find it at Target) dancing to “The Wobble” and I was having the time of my life.  I didn't care that I looked like a fool, because you do, you just do when you are doing this dance.  If you don’t know it, look it up, teach it to yourself and then dance it alone.  Wobble till you can’t freaking Wobble anymore.  I was proud.  I had left my comfort zone and didn't even want to go back.  I’d like to make this a trend in life because leaving my comfort zone was so refreshing.

Since this moment I have tried to push myself a little farther in life and let me tell you...it's so rewarding!  I think if you do one thing a day that you normally wouldn't do, then you've been successful.  Ever since I made the decision to push myself more, it feels like certain daily anxieties that I would have have subdued.  I know this isn't a result from just that, but I'd like to think it plays a huge part.

If you are the type to stay within your comfort zone typically...I challenge you!  Go do something you wouldn't normally do and just feel amazing about it.  It helps.

 

*Look this word up on Urban Dictionary…thank me later ;)

**I am not an expert in anxiety and if you are feeling it intensely, please seek help in some way!  This series is not meant to be anything other than my experience with my own anxiety.  I hope it provides everyone a little laughter and a lot of relief.  

Series:

The Anxiety Diaries, a welcome address

The Anxiety Diaries, a welcome address

You know what makes me anxious?  Life…life makes me anxious…so does this blog post.  As a kid, I was the nervous Nancy of the bunch.  I worried about my parents, my dog, my outfit that day, my everything basically.  I, Ashley, am a worry-wart.  For some time, I didn't understand it…I guess no one else did either.  It frustrated my parents to no end, mainly because no one could figure out how to calm me down.  I was even anxious about sleeping.  Seriously…sleeping.  I was so afraid that I would wake up and nothing would be like it was the day before.  That’s exhausting just thinking about it because that’s what life is all about…change.

As I grew older, I suppose I found ways to tackle the intense anxiousness that I felt…or maybe I just grew out of those worries and moved on to other ones.  Regardless, for a good portion of my life, my anxiety did not affect me in a debilitating way….and then I went to high school.

As a junior, I remember waking up one morning and thinking “oh crap, I’m gonna die.”  It felt like someone was sitting on my chest mixed with the worst stomach ache on the face of the earth.  I had felt like this before but it had been a while.  I lived like that for many months and then one day I just woke up and was okay again.  Granted I had been teaching myself ways to deal with it, but still, it went away.  I thought, once again, I was anxiety free. 

I moved on to college “anxiety free” until my junior year.  HA.  Apparently junior year is a curse, but whatever.  I had the same intense anxiety I had in high school, except worse.  This time though, I couldn't put my finger on why I was feeling this way, as I could in high school.  I had a fantastic life.  My frustration only made the anxiety worse and both the end of 2012 and start of 2013 were plagued with this debilitating anxiety.  What I grew to realize is that my anxiety never goes away, it’s a part of me and if I don’t acknowledge it, it builds up and hits me like a ton of bricks. 

At first I hated the idea of it.  How much does that suck, realizing that you have anxiety, like all the freaking time.  I struggled with that for a really long time and then I just woke up one day and realized it wasn't worth it.  If I’m going to live with it I might as well learn to cope with it!  Thus, I've been on a journey to love, understand and most importantly tackle my anxiety all the while trying to just laugh about it.  So, that brings me to the reason I’m even sharing this…welcome to The Anxiety Diaries. 

At the end of the day, the things I worry about are very real to me.  Sometimes I become consumed by them…sometimes they even ruin things for me.  BUT, if I come to love it and understand it all while trying to tackle it, then, you know what…I got this!  I think anxiety is something people don’t like talking about, God I know I don’t.  Yet, for as uncomfortable as it is to acknowledge, there is great understanding once you do.

So, let’s just laugh about all of this, let’s say once a week.  Let’s be more serious some days and not so much on others.  Welcome to The Anxiety Diaries and most importantly, welcome to From Scratch. 

**I am not an expert in anxiety and if you are feeling it intensely, please seek help in some way!  This series is not meant to be anything other than my experience with my own anxiety.  I hope it provides everyone a little laughter and a lot of relief.  

On going caffeine free

My favorite mug :)

About two months ago I began experiencing anxiety really bad again.  I wasn't sleeping or eating and in general was feeling pretty unhealthy.  I knew that all of that was revving up the anxiety so I began the process of cleansing my body so that I would feel better.

After talking to my boyfriend and a few close friends I made the decision to go caffeine free because after close observation I realized it might be at the core of all my issues.

Right before I quit caffeine I realized I was suffering from awful headaches and was always shaky.  I was the type of person to drink coffee/tea/caffeinated beverages multiple times a day and I was coming to a point where my body actually needed me to stop.  Caffeine can cause cause those headaches, the jitters, in fact it can cause lack of sleep and appetite as well if you have it too much and have a reaction.  Everything I was feeling was in an unhealthy circle caused by too much caffeine consumption.  So I quit...

Sometimes it really sucks.  Like on days when I'm exhausted.  I think to myself "one thing with caffeine won't hurt me."  But it would.  My body simply cannot handle it all that well.  It also sucks on days when I go to get a coffee or tea and the place doesn't offer decaf.  It actually puts me in an awful mood.  Just ask Tim.  I think he's scared of me when I get frustrated like that.

Overall, I am really glad I made this decision for myself.  I feel so much better after having stopped consuming it and I think it is something a lot of people should consider.  It's absolutely not for everyone, but it's absolutely for me.